Peter Kay Shows Fans To Their Seat


When we rehearsed for Ocean World there were huge screens at the back far wall showing the footage for broadcast and I was so troubled by those dolphins caught up and struggling in seine nets

The increasing tempo and urgency of that fucking flute trill 😦  Who does that shit to kids?  Had only just got over the trauma and fear of nuclear war following some joker’s decision to issue “Protect and Survive” booklets to all UK households and broadcast “Threads”

Then they heap this shit on me.  Dolphins and fishes and turkles all dying and we had to sing faster and keep up with their panic and thrashing.  Grim  😦





Sam cheered me up and snapped me back from being consumed with dolphin death depression.

“Hey Ma guess what?  They just restocked the vending machine at college and I have a few quid in my pocket”

My First Dog

Found the only photograph of “Bess” the border collie cross rescued from a scrapyard and most vicious, unpleasant nasty little bastard of a dog I ever met.

Looked after me but God she was a real twat.  The main ringleader and frequent lover of pretending to be friendly and non-threatening when a few lads came ready to burgle our house when I was alone at night aged 7 or 8yrs old.

She’d let them inside the house no bother.

Wouldn’t let them leave once they were inside though.

She and Tick held two lads hostage in the kitchen once and I was fast asleep upstairs throughout having absolutely no idea what was going on, that someone had broken in and were pinned up against the wall and kept there.

Bess side path

me john bess

We think she was maybe 8-12 months old when we got her so never knew for sure how old she was but she was destined for being drowned in the canal which was randomly and openly admitted in a pub one night by the scrap yard owner.

She came home in the early hours and lived a little over 18yrs with us so it’s safe to say she was ancient 😀

Wish we had more photos of them all especially Tick and Sabre.   We all grew up together, were toerags together and got up to no good together as well.

Real life Skrillex council house kids up and down robbing shit and hot-wiring JCB’s at the fletcher plant with scrap yard dogs.  Great dogs though 🙂



Dogs (2)

Fat Lad Goes Swimming

Fat-lad has been diagnosed with frontal leg deformity that warrants further referral to specialist orthopaedics and for weekly hydrotherapy but not before some choice words and a switch to new vet practice for a second opinion.

First one – “Meh…You might need to look at managing with pain relief or anti-inflammatories perhaps with supplement or alternatively consider amputation if you’re struggling to pay for long term meds”

I do not buy into the idea of pilling a three year old dog up on pain killers for the rest of his life and / or amputating because some crap vet can’t be arsed and won’t agree to try anything else beforehand.

Fortunately second vet didn’t need convincing to refer him to specialist and agreed hydro could help. At worst it might need an operation to straighten out or we could get away with just physio / hydro and maybe a splint to keep in place whilst he heals. Only a young dog the damage might not be irreparable.

Notice it most when he creeps and stalks in a crouched position. Both front paws turn inwards similar to a Grizzly bear at mooching pace then when he sits down that foreleg goes “Per-Doink” out at the side.  Photo taken of him the day we met at the farm with his terrified face and limp left wrist.

Fleet scaredFlups fleet ring on head

Second of him now with happy face and better but still dodgy left leg.  Doesn’t show the full extent but you can see how it bows from the elbow and then turns inward.

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Good thing is hydro. Not causing him obvious pain or discomfort so he’ll be seen for a few sessions on the water treadmill to get a good look at his gait / posture and how he distributes his weight through all fours then from there he’ll progress to the pool or alternate between treadmill and pool

We’re fortunate cos Canine Health & Hyrdo is only ten minutes down the road and we’ve had a few dealings with them before. Amazing how many vets and specialists will go for the all in huge sledgehammer to crack a nut and how few even seem aware never mind convinced of the benefits in therapy to compliment any medical treatment i.e. physio / hydrotherapy.

The finer details of this I’m not sure but know Ben was in boarding kennels and after injuring himself the kennels left him three days before they contacted his owners or had him checked out. THREE DAYS??!

I would’ve gone nuclear.  When I first saw that leg it literally made me wince and gasp “Holy shit?!!!”  What a mess 😦

Got there in the end though and just four months of hydro to get him to that point is amazing 😀

Dream of Pi

Me to Mark –

“Had a bizarre dream about you.   I was with the dude From “Life of Pi” but he was keeping me locked inside a house cos he knew I was trying to find my way back to you and that if I got out he’d never see me again. I found a bathroom window was unlocked and kept going in and out to use the bath over a period of time so he wouldn’t get suspicious when I’d eventually use it to escape it would give me time to get out and away.

Then he must have cottoned on to what I was doing and told me to pull the plug from the bath and see what happens when he’s deserted by people.

I pulled the plug from a full bath and it drained and left a body without any hands just crammed inside it.

Still adamant I’d find a way of getting back to you I went searching all the plugholes and drains to see if I could use one and get out and found one that was in an old shower room somewhere.   It “spoke” in a way and said that was the only way out of the house and you were waiting but in your old car and I’d need to convince you it was me because you were in your early 20’s and might not even know who I was.

Not fussed or put off I started climbing into this plughole only to be plucked back out again by Pi and told he had a use for me teaching his daughter how to spin plates. I was so frustrated and gutted cos it was my only escape route and started kicking and screaming and woke myself up”

Mark “That’s a bit wrong isn’t it?  :/ What is he – 16yrs old? Weirdo”

“What… no the adult Pi not the kid”

“Ahh right OK!!”

So all of that made perfect sense to him apart from the age of the dude I was dreaming about.

Literally Mark talking about Puddi

On being asked about the love of his life –

“What was she like?”

“Oh she was beautiful…  She had long, dark shiny hair…

and almond eyes… and, and pointy ears…

Big fluffy tail.  And she was FAST like THIS PSSSHEEWWW!!!!”


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