Finding and rolling in shit on first walk when it’s still dark and hard to keep an eye on her is Puddi’s favourite thing.
She’s sneaky-arsed too and casually trots ahead like she’s doing nothing wrong and then next thing I hear happy groaning and sex noises and I know she’s writhing around in some foul, repulsive shit and it’s already too late.
Sneaking off and hiding in the grass is what she does the second it dawns on her she’ll have to settle up in cash.
She’s not somewhere in this photo covered in foul smelling stuff and hiding in the grass to avoid getting a full top-to-toe or anything. Honest.
Puddi is nine months old now and despite the tantrums, stress, worries I’d really ballsed things up by getting a Border Collie – we’re safe and now officially best pals and buddies.
Will follow up later on but for now; a few current photos of her and all that bat-shit mental glory.
Eating of plastic is a blog by a lovely little lady named Kelly whom I genuinely love to see pop up now and then on WordPress. She’s funny, interesting, spot on with outstanding illustrations of the trials and traumas that follow her through life and even though I feel her pain and sympathise; the drawings make me properly belly-laugh.
Anyway, Kelly kindly nominated me for something called a Liebster Award which I’m supposed to accept and nominate others for by means of answering questions, creating a set of my own and naming five other bloggers worthy of the award after me.
Trouble is I’m a lazy bitch and like to skip out and cut corners wherever possible so here’s what I’ll do instead.
- Kindly accept the award and thank said little lady herself. Thank you little lady.
- Answer the questions she took the time and trouble to answer.
- Post a set of questions which she or anyone else with an overwhelming desire to do so can answer at leisure
- Sign off with a favourite from our family photo album.
Why did you start this blog?
Sheer boredom I think is what started it off… Continued bouts of boredom and / or childishness and time I have to kill sort of keeps it going here and there.
Candy or cake?
For building houses I’d have to say neither. Try Weetabix. That shit will stick stuff harder, faster and for longer than industrial strength “No More Nails”
Who’s your hero?
My husband Mark. He’s genuinely the most amazing person I’ve ever been fortunate enough to know let alone manage to bag as my husband but God knows what he did that for. Stupid git.
What’s your biggest fear?
That when I die and have to answer for all the bad stuff I’ve done, every person I’ve ever lied to, hurt or betrayed will be sat in a large circle and I’ll have nowhere to hide and everyone will know what I did to them and each other whilst I stand there squirming and sobbing and praying for death all over again. I know it’s gonna come one way or another but I’m trying to make up and right all the wrongs whilst I’m still here so God and everyone else upstairs might have chance to cool off a bit.
Do you consider yourself a nerd or a kool kid?
Bit of both. Nerdy in that I love really boring, inane stuff and can end up immersed completely in some massive and incredibly boring piece of legislation but Kool just because of reasons. You’re not the boss of me.
Winter or Summer?
Oooh both! If I had to pick one over the other I’d go with summer. Summer means hazy days, river walks, meadows full of flowers and hours spent with the mental dogs and horses cos they’re better than people.
Are you addicted to any TV show?
Nope. Could quite easily live without a TV actually.
What’s your favorite place in the world?
The woods close to where I live. I’d die if ever I had to live in the city and couldn’t see green fields dotted with sheep and cows from my own house.
Name 5 things you like.
My husband. My children. My dogs / horses. Music. People that rip their own tits off in a temper over absolutely nothing.
Instagram or Vine?
I do beg pardon did you say you’re selling drugs for charity? Terrible idea.
I’m returning the nomination back to lil lady Kelly cos that gives you two lots of awards. Yay! Whether or not you choose to answer this lot of questions is entirely your shout.
How come alien spacecraft need brightly coloured flashing lights and loud noises to land on Earth when they already mastered time travel and defied the laws of physics to get here?
Write the wording for your own headstone when you’re up for long-term occupancy in Boot-hill Cemetery.
Would you say Buford T Justice really did or didn’t need that Diablo sammich and docta peppa as quickly as he claimed?
Pick a theme tune for Great Aunty-Ethel after the doctors appointment which didn’t work out well for her. It will play whenever she moves around regardless of the situation or circumstance so choose well.
Is your preferred choice of company / colleague or friend male or female?
What in the name of God’s jolly asshole is the point of Paris Hilton?
What’s the most terrifying thing you’ve ever heard, seen or experienced in your life?
Which creature did God throw together in a hurry and really shouldn’t have bothered with?
A fact about you that’s boring but also interesting.
If Tom buys five apples but only eats three, what the hell did he buy five apples for?
My brothers being hilarious whilst I look on and laugh at their crazy shenanigans…
Oh how we laugh!
Puddi pics (now 7 months old) taken by my 17yr old daughter Hannah.
We’ve come a long way these last five months or so and gone from having a dog that detested rain and jumped over puddles to one that’s become a water fiend / swims like an Olympic champion and roams woods and dense forests to find muddy swamps she can dig in and generally get as shit up as physically possible.
Not posted anything for a while because Puddi is keeping me busier than a demon with a long “To Do” list.
On the plus side; she’s made friends with Cass (Springer Spaniel I have on a sort of “dog-share” with my brother) and mastered a range of new skills and tricks including the basics in paw shaking, rolling over, tidying toys away on cue and is just getting started with initial training in balancing stuff on her head. Won’t pretend the balancing tricks are for anything other than my own amusement because that’s what it is but on the upside; Puddi is quite happily going along with it.
When she’s not focused and herding / working hard; she’s barking at snails, going mad at the lady signing for the deaf on TV or rolling on pine cones and hair brushes.
Everyone needs a bit of downtime I suppose. It’s just that hers happens to be a particularly odd form of downtime.
Don’t judge her. She’s just a pup.