Delirium, confusion and memory lapse during Childbirth?

I’m intrigued by what appears to be much more common than I’d initially thought – stories of confusion, delirium and loss of memory during childbirth.

My first labour (nearly thirteen years ago now) was induced and, despite being very quick at just short of four hours, it was intense from start to finish. To this day, there is about 60 – 90 mins of that short labour of which I have absolutely no recollection whatsoever. Other parts are extremely vague and sit in a corner of my mind like a hazy memory of a dream from years ago. My Mum was with me throughout and remembers how I “went barking mad for a bit”, almost as though I were pumped full of drugs that had suddenly well and truly kicked in.   Trouble was, I hadn’t had any pain relief and was now making such little sense, rambling incoherently and acting out of character, my Mum had to step in and fight my corner because I was in no fit state.

I remember happily watching TV as the midwife was finishing setting up the drip and then literally minutes later, rolling around on the bed and gripping the cot sides for dear life, not knowing what the hell to do with myself and feeling what I can only describe as being desperation. I don’t even know what the desperation was for either – as daft as it sounds, it wasn’t “I desperately want this pain to stop” feeling. It was just a hellish combination of desperation, confusion and terror that I can’t quite describe.

I vaguely remember hearing my Mum shout at the midwives to “Do something – this isn’t like her at all” but her voice seemed as though it were floating somewhere in the distance, as though I were overhearing her speak in another room. Then I remember a midwife ordering me to stay perfectly still for a moment (Daughter was suddenly putting in an appearance and I couldn’t lie on my back because of the epidural that had just been fitted) and then the anaesthetist bounding back into the delivery room, visibly surprised that I was now delivering when he’d only just stepped outside. After a brief argument between the people in green, one of them mentioned something about cutting me and then a few seconds later, I was face to face with “ET”, weighing just 5lbs 3oz and screeching her little head off.

The confusion and memory loss is something I’ve often thought was my brain’s response to the physical pain I was all of a sudden faced with but nobody else seems to have heard of anything similar and, given the experience couldn’t have been any different when I had my son two years later, I just figured I was on my own with how it was first time around. Then, earlier this week, I found this article on “cases of delirium during labour” which then prompted me to post on a discussion forum elsewhere, asking other women if they’d experienced anything similar.

Over fifty women replied with very similar accounts of confusion, memory loss and erratic, completely uncharacteristic behaviour they experienced and interestingly, many of these occurred during an induced and / or first labour.

One woman said “With my first labour I ‘lost’ about 2 hrs, I was on gas and air and in my head I was on My old school field but I could ‘see’ myself giving birth, and was thinking thank god that’s not me. Then I had this strange sensation of rushing/flying back into my own body, and then the realisation hit me that it was me giving birth and I screamed so loudly and got really out of control and upset….very, very strange experience”

Another said “It’s such a relief to know that other women had the same problems. I have had PTSD since my daughter was born and the blanks and flashbacks have always worried me. I thought I must have completely lost it. I also distinctly remember a few hours post delivery I was wheeled onto the ward and left (with no buzzer) and I was sure my newborn daughter was talking to me. Her lips were moving and everything and she kept talking about spiders. I know now that I was so exhausted I was hallucinating and it’s become a funny story but at the time I had no buzzer, no help, numb legs from the emcs and I was seeing spiders and talking babies. I thought I’d gone mad”

And another, “I remember insisting I was going home. I was absolutely definite that I was going and they could carry on without me. The rest is deleted by my brain”

It’s generally considered easier after your first but the difference when I had my son was unreal.  The hospital was a bit too keen on inducing me again and I had to fight like a rabid dog to get them off my back about it. I’d agreed to be induced if my son didn’t show up on his own within seven days of the due date and / or other problems arose but as it happened, he decided to show up without anyone’s help.  Because the contractions grew stronger and more frequent quite steadily, I was able to mentally prepare for each one as it happened and nothing came as a surprise or a shock. My body and brain had time to get used to what was happening and brace itself for the next contraction that was inevitably going to be more painful than the last.

The delivery was another quick one at just four hours but was relatively plain sailing and problem free. I had a 7lbs 14oz baby without analgesia and with my memory intact. I walked into the hospital at 1am, had my son at 3am and, having been allowed to sleep for a couple of hours in an empty delivery room, didn’t need to go onto the ward and was back home by 9am.

What I’m convinced played a huge role in my brief madness when I had my daughter was the sudden onset of incredibly forceful contractions. I wasn’t mentally prepared for anything like what happened and whilst I know no woman can fully prepare herself for first time labour, it happened so suddenly and with such force, my brain almost didn’t seem to know what was going on with my body and everything just went tits up.

I’m really quite fascinated by this now, because for almost thirteen years, I’ve been dismissed as it being a one-off and my memory lapse and confusion / disorientation considered something unique to me only. Interestingly, most of the women that give accounts as above, had either induced labours or delivered very quickly.

I’d love to know just how common this actually is.

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Tags: analgesia, childbirth, confusion, contractions, delerium, delivery, epidural, labour, medical, memory lapse, midwife, natural, PTSD

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